Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
