can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize