She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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