You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
