dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
BRING THE BAGELS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize