We're facebook friends in real life
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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