I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
