Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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