Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
