The maid of honor just puked.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The ass gains better be worth it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
