so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
