I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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