Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
