when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
