So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
