mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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