It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
