covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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