did you get engaged???
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
