we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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