I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She bit a glass in half.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
