we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
