Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
