I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What a dumb baby whore.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
