i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
