I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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