Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize