It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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