I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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