Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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