The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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