That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
