you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
