So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize