Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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