Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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