Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
