There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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