I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
