There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize