I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
