but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
