You're completely useless in the revolution.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize