Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
