dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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