Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
