I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
