You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
