I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
