Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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