i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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