He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
