We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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