There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
