38 yer olds are good kisserssss
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
