I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
