Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
