DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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