Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
