All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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