why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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