The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
