The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
