So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
