All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Send help, water and tortillas.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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