im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize