I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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