Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
